Roller Derby and the City
by Valkyrie
Hello derby friends! If you have been living under a rock (or for the purposes of this blog, in a small town outside of New York City wearing scrunchies), then you might not know that Sex and the City has made a huge revival online. Folks on TikTok have been discovering this television series and watching it for the first time, while others have been enjoying hearing other people’s opinions after being fans for decades. There are so many personalities, so many dramas, the girlies have a lot to catch up on. And I couldn’t help but wonder, if the main characters from Sex and The City played roller derby, what positions would they play?
Carrie Bradshaw, the main character of the show, a writer, who absolutely loves fashion, makes questionable decisions with both men and money. Maybe she would have made better choices related to relationships if she had an outlet outside of irresponsibly spending money. Carrie Bradshaw would make a great jammer. Jammers are oftentimes the center of attention in derby: they score the points, they have their own referee, and Carrie would get to be fashionable and stylish on the track. Oh, her derby name? “Dolce and Destruction”.
We’ll move on to Carrie’s best friend, Samantha Jones. Or should we call her “Slamantha Jones”? Such a unique character on television for the time this series came out, Samantha loves sex. But what makes her character special is how kind she is towards the people she loves, not just her friends, but her lovers as well (we are very much team Smith Jerrod around here!). Samantha will try any position at least once, and that’s not just with sex. Samantha would be a pivot, she does it all and loves every minute of it. She is queen of giving offense to her own jammer, very similar to who she is as a friend. If you are on the track, you better watch out for Slamantha Jones, P.R., and pivot extraordinaire.
Our lovely Charlotte York, the Park Avenue Princess, or maybe her derby name would be the “Park Avenue Punisher”. Charlotte joined recruitment just before she met her first husband, Trey MacDougal, and we all know she was very quickly swept away and married shortly after, therefore not completing recruitment. Besides, Trey’s mom Bunny MacDougal would not stand having a daughter-in-law who plays anything besides tennis. As the story goes however, Charlotte and Trey get divorced and she becomes married to her divorce attorney, Harry Goldenblatt. They are a match made in heaven, and he encourages her to complete recruitment where she graduates and becomes a badass power blocker with Miranda. As for Harry, he makes sure the team has their snacks, has electrolytes handy, and is there to cheer them on.
Miranda Hobbes is the character most likely to have actually played roller derby in the group of girls. Do you remember that episode where she accidentally hits a man during her kickboxing class? Talk about powerful! Miranda, better known as “Law and Disorder” would be both a blocker and a referee. Her ability to switch from defense to offense when playing bouts leaves opposing teams shaking and quaking. Honestly had she played roller derby in the series, she would have probably figured out she was a lesbian a lot sooner. When she is not on skates, she is at home fighting with Steve Brady either about calls that were made during games she played in or watching Rose City playing games.
Oh, and we can not forget about the men in Carrie’s life! Aiden Shaw would absolutely LOVE roller derby. He has recently retired from playing with MRDA, but he enjoys being head coach for his team. He is the kind of coach who provides really great feedback and understands his players’ strengths, weaknesses, and their needs. Coach Wood Chipper hopes to lead his team to WFTDA Championships next year.
As for Mr. Big, he is moving to Paris, unaware that roller derby even exists.
